July 2013

Evol: Part 1

Everyone was talking about it. Or at least the advertisement said that everyone was talking about it. The greatest Evolution since… Evolution! Admittedly, Kate’s friends, family and casual acquaintances didn’t know what it did exactly but they had all heard from a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend that it was the ‘only thing’. Kate rolled her eyes at the…

Train Story 4: tuna

Tuna was the dominant smell. The whole carriage was high with the stench. People were screaming, laughing, screwing, fighting. I had thought many thing about the end of the world; I had expected human degradation and desperation; but never the smell of tuna. Overwrought I struggled out of my seat and down the seething aisle….

Story on a train 3: Moving On

Singing “we are the champions” at the top of her voice, Clara tottered down the platform as high as her heels and only half as sensible. It had been a night of good byes. One person lost to cancer by lunch time. One boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend, said good bye over a blazing row and a…

Story on a train 2: Rings

Oh-my-God-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god. Breathe, you stupid woman. Breathe. Oh-my-God-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god. What the Hell am I going to do? I can feel the ring on my finger burning my skin. Making the sheathed patch of skin itch and scratch and writhe away from the metal. Or am I projecting too much? I really need to get a grip. I…

Evol: Part 1

Story on a train 1: Lamia

The man opposite was largely indifferent to her ample charms. This was rather annoying, as she was pretty sure she was more interesting than the Sudoku in the blasted paper. She licked her lips, pouting out the window at the grey sky and Battersea Dog’s Home as it flew past. That stench. It followed her….

Horton Hears A Huhne

I love it when you find notes and fragments of stuff you started writing a long time ago. You forget all about it and get to be disappointed in yourself all over again. This nugget was me trying to turn Chris Huhne’s court case into a Dr Seuss book. Natural thing to spend your time…

STAND UP GRRRL MANIFESTO

BECAUSE us girls crave COMEDY that speak to US that WE feel included in and can understand in our own ways. BECAUSE we wanna make it easier for girls to see/hear each other’s work so that we can share strategies and criticize-applaud each other. BECAUSE viewing our work as being connected to our girlfriends-politics-real lives…

Awkward Moment (A Poem)

Significant pause. “Oh, oh, oh,” said the woman. “Oh, oh, oh (*build to climax – she doesn’t actually say this. This is a ‘stage direction’*) oh,” she screamed. “Get off my fucking toe!” Bob shuffled away. He had his earphones in; The noise cancelling function on; He hadn’t even heard her. There was silence in…

DREAMS MY MUM HAS: #1

My mum dreams the weirdest things. The best part of this is that, after a particularly vivid night of dreaming, she gets weirded out – sometimes for days. She once refused to talk to my dad because, in a dream, he had sat on her Purple Bouclé Hedgehog Dog. Apparently Purple Bouclé Hedgehog Dogs are…