That’s what I’ll be doing for the next five days. If that was a job spec, it would be possibly the best job description in the world. Just think of the anger you could expiate regarding “Positivity”. As a teenager, I’d have left home to pursue that specific career; especially if my rota included Blur, Alanis Morisette and Alisha’s Attic. I was a truly terrible pubescent goth.
In the same way I’d be trying to work out what to take to the interview of ‘Muse/Harpy’ to the Rawk Royalty, I find myself no less baffled by what provisions to take to Standon Calling. ‘Luckily’ last year I wrote a handy list to remind me what to pack in 2016.
Festival Packing List:
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Pjs (Harvey?)
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Baby wipes (for all the babies I am also packing)
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Face wipes
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Dry shampoo
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Contacts (Ocular as opposed to Emergency contacts. Though I have a reputation to uphold. It’s go to the medical treatment tent or go home.)
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Eyebrows (Huh?! Do I leave my eyebrows casually lying around often? If you have them, please return asap.)
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rucksack (ummm how else would I be carrying everything to the festival. Horrible visions of me turning up to Reading as a teenager with a family-size suitcase or plastic carrier bags.)
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Tent (*slow clap*)
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Meds (Will require second rucksack just for all the tablets. Sigh.)
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Deo (or Neo.)
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Costume
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Pants (Again, do I regularly go anywhere without them?)
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Sun tan lotion
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Toilet paper (Festival equals gastric horror show. All that gluten.)
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Hand santiser
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Glasses (Surely I’d notice. Surely…)
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Sun glasses
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Lenses
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Face paints (Festival necessity.)
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Black plastic bags (So this would be to… Hide the bodies?)
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Pillow
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Converse
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Flip flops
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Insoles (I am actually an 85 year old woman with legs of differing length. You’re welcome.)
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Big Mac (Snack or clothing. Be aafe pack both.)
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Hoodie (Trip to New Addington to collect shortly.)
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Friend pass (You need a pass for friends?! Why did I not know this. I’d buy 1000s of friends!)
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Id (What about the ego?)
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Ticket – bought – hidden in (that’s it. Where the fuck did I hide my ticket?)
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Foot pump (actually traded-in. 2017, the year of the battery powered pump. I am a master of the Universe!)
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Hammer/Mallet (Possibly the best or worst 80s musical convergence never to have existed.)
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Fold up chairs x 3 (Yo momma so fat…)
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Car rugs x 2 (Yo momma still so fat…)
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Inflatable Mattress (I like sleep.)
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Bed roll (I really like sleep and no one, not even a slow puncture will stop me.
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Tooth brush
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Tooth paste
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Floss (Because dental hygiene never suffers at festival time.)
Note I don’t actually mention clothes or a sleeping bag. Because, well duh, that would be redundantly stating the obvious. Whereas listing pants and glasses is important as these items are easily forgotten by the casually short-sighted nudist.
In the end, I’ve packed shorts, t-shirts and a lobster costume. I am a truly terrible post-pubescent goth.
And now, the weather. Pray for me people.
