#28PlaysLater 2018: Day 5 – “Ai-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Challenge 5 – Due 06/02 at 09:59:59am GMT

Today I’ll give you the opening line: “Take off the girdle, Gertl, and tell me everything about Onun’s onions, or else little Dicklberg here will get it with this!”

 

Bonus points if you end the play with the following line:

“So there really were 50 of them buying groceries in Panama!”

Cast:

The Operator

The Computer

Scene:

The Computer is on the table. The Operator has a mic connected to the Computer that they speak into. They are surrounded by banks of tape, switches and flashing lights. There is a constant hum and whirr.

Computer: Take off the girdle, Gertl, and tell me everything about Onun’s onions, or else little Dicklberg here will get it with this!

Operator: Computer. I will now repeat the question. What does one plus two equal?

Computer: I and 49 of my colleagues have been using the inter-connected web to purchase bread, milk and Lucky Strike Cigarettes in Yaviza.

Operator: Computer. Where is Yaviza?

Computer: Yaviza is in Panama.

Operator: Computer. What does one plus two equal?

Computer: How could I abandon my children? Perhaps you’ll take me out one day, or do I have to make an appointment? I just want a nice, easy life. You must find it before the others do. I thought someone should tell you that your mother has died. It is the only thing that’s made the last three years bearable. What’s wrong with that? I daren’t stay long. I just had to see you. Knock knock. Who’s there? The interrupting cow. Interuptin co- Moooooo! I have to do something to help that child.

Operator: Once more with feeling. Computer. What does one plus two equal?

Computer: Red and yellow and pink and green. Purple and orange and blue. I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.

Operator: And they say you’re the future.

The phone rings. The Operator answers it.

Operator: Yes sir. Why, I’m in the lab now with it. Really? How many crates?

The Operator hangs up.

Operator: So there really were 50 of them buying groceries in Panama!

Blackout.

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