NOTE: Should be retitled what happens when you try to write really quickly off the top of your head while battling fatigue and dylexia. lolol
Challenge 7 – Due 08/02 at 09:59:59am GMT
How about writing some shite? Like, proper total crap.
“My Big Beautiful Mistake” aka “Dyslexia in Action?”
Sian sites on a massovely green nottle of gulp which has been inflayed to the site of a house. it’s bassicaly a bouncy castle, and sian sits in it liek a ship un a bottle.
Lights are simliarly green giveing the impression of underthae water.
Sian: So, its not everydaythat you begin with the mistake. the mistake was realesaing the ticic sludge into the thams. I should have know that istantly.slime should never be your go to. when people have to explaijn the end of humqn civilisation to the mangles remnemnt of peple, they probably don’t want to say it was this science teacher who let tje goop out of the secondary modern where she worked and flushed it down the crapper alon with the goldsish she’s killed in a failed experiemcent relating to peanuts and energy efficientcy. but that is largely waht they are going to have to say. And i will habe to go to my grave and be ok with that. Assuming I can die. I could have developed super poweres. like pete parker in th espideman films. but i feel queasy if i habg ypside down and i am pathologically scared of heights of any kind. well depths reallly. but also heighs. so the gree slime. it’s in the water. it’a made verything either very big or v ery bad, or worse very big and bad and I’ m ot sure what’s worse to be uonest. i am the pandora of the milleniam bringing devastation to all she encounters bu t with none of the attractive mysthogy. well done me. slap on the back. high fives. thumbs up. claps. paludits. hold my beer and get this girl a medal. it all start with julius usbourn. julios is that boy in my fifth form remeidial scoence class. hedging 15 foot high and 9 foot wide, he wass already a monster. there were ruoours that when he was in year six he’d eaten three hamsters purely to get the jump on Freddie Starr. I was always inpressed that a bit his age had even hurred of freeie Starr but it’s no end of surporise when you find out wthat the kinds find out on the interente. Anyway, If you met Julus you woulnd probably should hail Ceaser and hope that someone was going to knife hime in the back. not that i am endorsing knofing students in the back but you know, somtime, everyone needs thir fantasties. I mean whetever, we’ll be honestly I was well die a good breakdown even before the ting with the apple. Oh the apple. Julius bought this appel in. I should have been suspcions. I donthing anything the boy had ever eaten had gornw on a plant. What i didn’t know was that he hung out on the old nuclear power station sub estate. I mean it’s obvious. How else would a 15 year old get that big of it was for toxis radioation. But the appple. the apple lpoked fine. but then most bad apples dp.
A giant goldfish swims past.
Oh, maybe the goldfisg wasn’t dead. to every clloud there is a silber lining. anyway, the apple. looked perfect. left on my desk. a present for the teacher. and yes, haveing food out around dangerous chemicals is n’t idead but when you haven’t eaten since half six and lunch is still two hors away any port on a stor,. So the apple it wasy. Breaktiem me and the apple get down to some along time, chewing throuugh the cisp, sweet flesh to the sounr core. I ate it all, the pips, the skin the stem. gpne in a few mouthfils. Jiuce dripped own my chin and onto my standard issue lave cobt. Then the bell wnat, and Hulious can staggering in whith a ridicuous grin on his face. ehjoy that did you miss he said?? the apple? of arse i thought, if he has anything to do with it, that littel shit, it pirbably been soalojg in a owl of his piss for a week. But i sided with teh contrifte yes thank you. delicious. i started the lessone, the one where you set fire to a peanit to orve it’s full of dat. them i statred to feel weird. them i voiolentlu threwe up . all over classed 11 d. and it was green. birght green. i wretced again, this time the violence poitching the peanit into the placie face of teh departemental goldfish, who promptly rolled over and flowated to the top of the tank. i grabbed a hand bowl and comtinied to wrethc into it. birght green bile. thankfully that that point the bell went. the kids fled, and julius strolled out a with a cheerful good by miss and a smirk on his face. littel did he know. eventially the heaving stipped. i was faced with abowl of bright green goopy slime, undulating over it’s onw waves. i walked over tothe tank and ifshed out the goldfish and threw it into the bowl, before matching to the nearest lavvy and flushing the whole debarcle awau. i mean to be honest i should have clocked that something was very wrong when i elected to eat a school dinner. not only that but i finished it. i mean, shoocl dinner. it’s crap. but i ate it all like i had never earen anytyhjomg in my life.
The giant foldish swins past again. Sian pressed her face against the giant botle and watched it.
little dod i kow that i had started a butterfly effect or should that be a goldfish effect. under the schoold the goop hit the sweer. it fund its way into the rivers and then the seas. it was soaked yp into he sky ny the sin and was rapidbly becoming rain water. i assum london got it first because of,,, well ne being there. and being an utter twat, which seems very fair enough. maybe we deserbed it. the first time we know anything was up was hern a group of giant turltes came out of the serwer and beat up Juluis, I have to be ginest i enjoyed that bit. The bit where they then ate his still living bitdy not su much. Tneh theere was was the fact things started to get really big. Giant confodoms were washed up on the back of the thames, follwer by massive can of coke. at first we all thought it was an art thing, but the Sadiq Khan called a state of emergency and we know we were proably in trouble. Even Boris was less than impressed when he was knowcked off his bike as a giant pukka pie floated under west minister bride. that’s when they moved the government. to scotland somewhere i think. in the Highlands. The army moved in. They started battleing the goant runnish warping building and mutatled wildlife that tsalks london at the nest of times, let along when you have rat kings made of 10,000 rats the size of dogs and foxes squasjing ford escorts with thie r massive paws. i mean it was just choais. And then the water befan to ruse. rise and rise and rise. people found shelter and escape where they could, i mean that i heard rhere was a trive of canabls living in teh Shard and worshipping a god of death, but that would all be rimour. i mean ou just don know. with know interenet and no electiricty I mean you literally don’t know. My iphone hasn’t worked for a week. There is no power in a giant gator aid bottle. Eventually some scientist somewher identified the cause of the “event”. highly toxis human biomass. That’s when sean maynard, one of the little swots who sat at the front and who i threw up on, stuck his hand up and said th reason he’s gone pueple is that his teacer was sicj o him after eating an apple thathe had seen glowingf in the dark i the common roon just a few hours before. i mean, what a twat. tehy identified me, naturally, the lynch mod descended on their home made boats or their house broken giant fish-cat-pigeon mutants, which are apparently bery easy to train and come complete with teh eorks of being able to swin, fly and sit on radiators without fally off. That;s when they stuck me in the bottle. I mean, it was nothing if not convenient that it was passing just as they were all after me. But to be hinest i am just impressed at how practival they are. Take one buttle. Stick in one science teancher. Sink bottole with massive rock. Voile a slow painful dealth looking ate distruction i have so inadvertently wrought on humanity.
The Goldfish swims up the the bottle and is looking in. Sian talks to it.
Wow. He really is beautifyllly isn’t he? I don’t thisnk i have ever appreciated goldfish while they were normal foldfish sized. but now. He is part of my big beautiful mistake. Becausie i think it moght actually be beautifl. Some of sciences betst afdvancements come from mistakes. Happy accidnects. I mean, we weren’t that great we were. As the keepedrs of an entire plantet. We were pretty shit if we are hinest with ourselves. Maybe this is all part of natures way of getting back at us. An apple using our fuck-ups to get back at us. Nature’s terrorist, Eve’s dirty bomb in the garden city of eden.
Fish gets boards and swims away.
Good by my fisshy friend. look after this weird ne w world… I’m going to doe. I did that math. I reckon i have about three hours of air left – if i breathe slowly, breathe lightly mayeb four. Anyway thisis it. All thanks to Julius soodding Usbourn.
i wonder if this wil all be account for on my anual appraisal?
lights fade to black.