Challenge 8 – Due 09/02 at 09:59:59am GMT
Let’s be all sporty. Find your inspiration from a sportical event, or from the culture of sportiality or from observing sportition.
The Announcer (voiceover)
A brightly coloured wrestling ring.
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to tonight’s long awaited match. The grub in the pub! The fumble in the jungle! The motion of the ocean. Tonight, in the red corner, weighing in at a perfectly fine 12 stone 3, loose your minds for Cath ‘The Wrath’ Holllllomesssssss!
Cath’s power music cue smoke and glitter explosion. Cath enters in full wrestling gear, including a gaudy mask. Babz follows her, carrying a towel and a bucket. The bucket is full of alchopops. Babz is dressed for a night out on the lash.
Cath climbs into the ring. She screams and poses. Babz waits at the side of the ring; she is texting.
Announcer: And in the blue corner, with all the heft of his 10 stone 8 frame, Ian “Go-gettum-tiger” Brownnnnnnnn!!!
Power music cue smoke and glitter explosion. Ian enters in full wrestling gear, including a cape and glittery underpants over his lycra. Rhod follows him, carrying a towel and a bucket. The bucket is full of lager and ice. Rhod is dressed for a night out on the lash.
Ian climbs into the ring. He runs his hands through his hair and pulls a selfie pose. Rhod waits at the side of the ring, yelling at Ian to psyche him up.
Announcer: And we’re just waiting for the bell-
The bell rings.
Announcer: And there it goes.
The action follows the announcer’s commentary with wrestling moves of varying violence interwoven.
Announcer: And they approach each other tentatively – clearly scoping out the quality of the talent on offer. Cath feigns disinterest. Is this a genuine cxx or just a feint to keep Ian on his toes? Ian approaches Cath with a certain amount of swagger but… no he’s just gone to bounce on the ropes. He’s bouncing between the ropes people, clearly working up the momentum to make a direct approach. And he’s opened with a clothes line. This has floored Cath but she’s not going down without a fight. She pushes him away. She makes a pass and lands a whopping blow on the upper arm. He’s determined to pin her down and really make use of the opportunity. She brushes him off with the skills of a seasoned pro. Ian is taking the opportunity for a bit of grandstanding. Oh my god, he’s actually hitting on Babz. He’s clearly treating em mean to keep em keen. Putting the moves on the best friend at a time like this is frankly unacceptable. Cath is not taking this lightly. She’s climbing the ropes and… and she’s doing a fully body swan dive right on top of Ian. She’s ferocious. This puts them both in a compromising position. But Ian is going to fight for dominance in this battle of the sexes.
Rhod: GO ON MY SON!
Announcer: They are both in an unenviably compromising position as we surely near the end of this epic bout. And he’s landed her one, right on the smacker. She responds in kind. There’s more tongue involved from both that we’d normally see at 8:30 on a Tuesday night. It’s unorthodox but Ian seems to be having his way with her. Surely Cath is going to tap out any time soon. But no, she’s delivered a low blow and not the kind Ian was hoping for. He’s down. He’s definitely down. And…
Announcer: He’s out.
Cath and Babz celebrate with a alchopops and provocative poses to camera. Rhod climbs into the ring and gives Ian a consoling tap on the shoulder as he hands Ian a beer.
Announcer: Cath comes away victorious and with her dignity largely intact. They are both going home tonight alone. What a result. And tomorrow night, Nigel and June finalise their divorce. Join us then for more high drama in the ring. Good night.