#28PlaysLater 2019: Day Ten | moNkeYs wIth A TypeWRiter

[NB: Love you for looking at this page. But really, really don’t waste your life reading this. There’s 9 other days so far and at least three of them will be more fun to read than this.

If you do insist on reading this, be aware the play is constructed from Shakespeare’s stage directions from Macbeth and lines generated by a bot on a MacBook, so language and sentences are nearly all random. Huzzah for 21st century Dada.]

Chimpanzee_seated_at_typewriter

Scene 1.

 

[Thunder and lightning. Enter three Witches]

 

WITCH 1: Joy is chill.

WITCH 2: Funny righteousness degenerates funnily.

WITCH 3: Behind every strong butcher, there’s a strong fucker.

WITCH 2: I’m too old to start again.

WITCH 1: A game, a game, Turkey does remain.

WITCH 3: Midnight on the bridge – come alone.

 

[Exeunt]

 

Scene 253.

 

[Alarum within. Enter DIMPLE, JELLY BEAN, ELEMENT, PUSSYWAGON, with Nintendos, meeting VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL IAN]

 

DIMPLE: Hail VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL IAN!

VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL IAN: Hail Dimple, Element, Jelly Bean and Pussywagon.

ELEMENT: How goes the food fight?

JELLY BEAN:

DIMPLE:

VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL IAN:

DIMPLE: Look here comes Turkey himself! Covered with jelly from his victory.

 

[Enter TURKEY]

 

DIMPLE: Hail Turkey! How fairs the victor?

TURKEY: With severe travels come severe feelings of shame.

DIMPLE: You know why? Understanding why you are perfect makes you a failure..

JELLY BEAN: Your life can be predetermined.

TURKEY: Always follow justice.

PUSSYWAGON: Let us off the the bouncy castle to hear more of how this afternoon has passed.

 

[Exeunt]

 

Scene 177.

 

[Thunder. Enter the three Witches]

 

WITCH 1: By a prickling in my bum –

WITCH 2: You should get some cream for that.

WITCH 3: I smell mortals on the wind.

WITCH 2: That will be her bum again.

WITCH 1: Sorry.

 

[Panda within]

 

[Enter TURKEY and VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL IAN]

 

WITCH 1: Don’t resist the impossible of the logic. Don’t desire improve access.

WITCH 2: Snowflakes unite for world peace.

VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL IAN: Masculinity allows us to complicate what can’t be complicated, to be serious.

TURKEY: For a moment, being beautiful is like getting fucked.

WITCH 2: Bullies cooperate for disrupting the entertainment industry.

WITCH 3: Rule nine: vomits as often as possible.

WITCH 1: People’s brains begin were holes end without speed.

TURKEY: There can be no starting after bravery comes time itself.

WITCH 2: Someday you will be really, really chubby.

VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL IAN: Social ineptitude is to become a vegan.

WITCH 1: There’s no reason not to make the criminally insane wake up screaming.

WITCH 2: Father and answers should not be combined.

TURKEY: Porn stars and policeman cooperate for your own common goal of mass hysteria.

VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL IAN: If you are the only one enjoying the comment section, you do not know the true meaning of the comments section.

WITCH 1: How would the world look if garbage men teamed up with clowns?

WITCH 2: Your laptop can conspire with molecules.

WITCH 3: Before everything comes the clown.

 

[Witches vanish]

 

TURKEY: I believe not what my ears do hear.

VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL IAN: We must beware the clowns.

TURKEY: Let us not speak of what has passed here.

 

[Exeunt]

 

Scene 6.

 

[Flourish. Enter DIMPLE, JELLY BEAN, ELEMENT, PUSSYWAGON, and Nintendos]

 

DIMPLE: Powerful is the student who trusts his donkey, for he shall receive divine status. Dramatic irony is to adopt a teenager. Is pornography the trend of tomorrow? What is so awful about expecting yourself to be your married woman?  Be irrational until your house melts. Madness beats of consciousness. Before the nudity comes everything.

PUSSYWAGON: G’night my lord Dimple.

 

[Exit]

 

JELLY BEAN: Facebook is 100% art and zero percent reputation.

PUSSYWAGON: Opium can be like opium.

ELEMENT: Opium is the opium of the people.

JELLY BEAN: After magic comes the awkwardness.

ELEMENT: Recent research shows that reality is of course the natural extension of the trans ejaculation of the impossible.

JELLY BEAN: We can’t find new ways of suffocating our surroundings, but we can find new ways of exploiting ourselves as individuals.

ELEMENT: Alcoholism is 100% opium for the masses and zero percent pointless.

 

[Flourish. Exeunt]

 

[Enter DEADLINE, reading a letter]

 

DEADLINE: “Yesterday is just an atom that never ends. With unspeakable incompetence comes unspeakable duty. A vampire is a vampire and a judge is a judge. Once a bully always a bully. You cannot eat kale. Psychoanalysis is the dullness of the heat death of all universe put in a nutshell. Only when you will let- Only when you learn to accept your own take on victory. Will you meet reality?” Deadline, wife of Turkey, Say what you think or at least don’t be a hypocrite. Utilizing who you are is entertaining until you open your heart. Pay your taxes. Share quotes. Be proud. Go full retard!

 

[Exeunt]

 

[Hautboys and torches. Enter DIMPLE, JELLY BEAN, ELEMENT, WANKER, PUSSYWAGON, PLYWOOD, TURKEY, VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL IAN, and Nintendos]

 

DIMPLE: How now good Lady DEADLINE? You about?

 

[Enter DEADLINE]

 

DEADLINE: Thought is a symbiotic interaction between the paradox of reality of non-relativistic quantum mechanics and the inherent self contradictions of the unknown.

DIMPLE: Follow your instincts and dare to be different.

DEADLINE: Be related to the right people.

WANKER: People who rearrange dragons rearrange mistakes.

DEADLINE: Judgment Day is coming back.

Pollution may be pollution made by and for people.

TURKEY: Marry him.

DEADLINE: Too late for that my lord for you are wed to me.

JELLY BEAN: And never will she let you forget it.

WANKER: A never ending nightmare can tear you apart.

PUSSYWAGON: Crypto assets are 10% imaginary a 90% social control.

TURKEY: Directed humanity.

PLYWOOD: The most emotionally frustrating clown show.

VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL IAN: Just because you’re successful doesn’t mean you’re paranoid.

DEADLINE: Rain is how Earth says “I’m fertile.”

VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL IAN: Ambitions can change our outlook on boyfriends without question.

DIMPLE: There can be no well. The brain is is taxation on hipsters. Success is usually accomplished by blindness.

PLYWOOD: Think before you embarrass yourself. If you aren’t in some memories, be prepared to combat.

TURKEY: War only when you learn to laugh at how other people see anxiety.

 

[Exeunt]

 

[Hautboys and torches. Enter a Sewer, and divers]

[Servants with dishes and service, and pass over the stage. Then enter COMMA]

 

COMMA: Except your own abilities to perform sexually.

 

Scene 999.

 

[Exeunt]

 

[Enter WANKER, and FLEA bearing a torch before him]

 

WANKER: When you find existence.

FLEA: There are bad online trolls and there are the opposite of bad online trolls. And ask, can also be a mother originality is not a dream button on dream.

WANKER: Don’t get trapped. Keep hateful. Don’t argue with your brain; just obey.

FLEA: F is not an alien battlefield

WANKER: All fairytales are just bleak copies of real people.

 

[Exeunt WANKER and FLEA]

 

[Enter TURKEY]

 

TURKEY: Is this an existential crisis I see before me? Only when you see how other people see empires can you actually see the known. If you’re lonely try to reach the unreachable. Chase what is wrong, not what is pragmatic. Only when you open your eyes to the negative effects of gluten. When you find the unexpected, get rich from it.

 

[Enter DEADLINE]

 

TURKEY: Whatever you’re going to ask. the answer is no.

DEADLINE: Freedom can feel great for psychics.

TURKEY: Without deceivers there can be no passion.

DEADLINE: Bitches and Witch Hunters unite for charity.

TURKEY: Just because you’re loved doesn’t mean you’re evolved from a fish.

DEADLINE: Naked skin is likeable, metaphorically speaking.

 

[Looking on his hands]

 

DEADLINE: Watch it. Here comes vitality.

 

[Exit. Knocking within]

 

[Re-enter DEADLINE]

 

DEADLINE: He was unconscious when I found him.

TURKEY: Mindfulness is the disorder of the endless reduced to its core.

DEADLINE: Don’t antagonize a man, let yourself think control, control, control, control, control him control ha control, control, control him.

TURKEY: Control the woman.

DEADLINE: Please don’t argue, you have to leave right now. You aren’t safe here.

TURKEY: Are you kidding me? Is it time for every single one of us to stop hangingoverization?

DEADLINE: Know equality knowing Corporation.

TURKEY: We’re not fine.

 

[Exeunt]

 

Scene 666.

 

[Knocking within. Enter a Daschund]

 

DASCHUND: Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.

 

[Opens the gate]

 

[Enter PLYWOOD and PUSSYWAGON]

 

DASCHUND: Woof.

PLYWOOD: Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.

DASCHUND: Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.

PLYWOOD: Woof. Woof. Woof.

DASCHUND: Woof. Woof.

PUSSYWAGON: Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.

DASCHUND: Woof.

PLYWOOD: Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.

DASCHUND: Woof. Woof. Woof.

 

[Exit]

 

[Re-enter PLYWOOD]

 

PLYWOOD: It’s inhabitant black cats can be God telling you to snap.

 

[Bell rings]

 

[Enter DEADLINE]


DEADLINE: Try focusing more on your life and less on mine.

PLYWOOD: You’re too good for this world

 

[Re-enter COMMA and PUSSYWAGON, with TURKEY]

 

COMMA: Somehow we need to persuade him to part with millions of dollars.

DEADLINE: I’ve been waiting a long time for you.

TURKEY: I’m telling you the guy was a complete stranger and just walked up and gave me the bag.

PLYWOOD: If you’re feeling lonely in the rock concert, you are not truly experiencing the rock concert. The two things you need in order to control a girl is your awareness and glue.

PUSSYWAGON: Of course you’re tremendously viciously shy.

DEADLINE: What is attain? What is tamed in a dream is untamed when the sun rises, see what happens.

COMMA: Don’t think that anyone else will eat healthfully for you.

 

[Enter JELLY BEAN and ELEMENT]

 

JELLY BEAN: DIMPLE is dead!

ELEMENT: Long live DIMPLE!

JELLY BEAN: But DIMPLE is DEAD. Believe in the history.

TURKEY: If one expects sacrifice, one has to prepare for potential.

DEADLINE: Be sparkly and stay inbred.

COMMA: Work is the truth and certain death.

 

[Exeunt]

 

Scene 927.

 

[Enter TURKEY and an old Man]

 

TURKEY: You can be impossible.

Old Man: Nostalgia has a lot of business potential.

TURKEY: Take to the mountains.

Old Man: OK.

 

[Exeunt]

 

Scene 89.

 

[Enter WANKER]

 

WANKER: I miss moments like this. More than anything, You did a bad thing for a good reason.

 

[Enter DEADLINE and a Servant]

 

DEADLINE: You should sleep my good lord WANKER…

WANKER: No, I’m tired of doing what you say. You’re always the quiet one

DEADLINE: I’m your daughter. The mind is the natural extension of the ultra limitations of quantum complexity.

WANKER: Existence is all about being sensational.

 

[Exit]

 

DEADLINE: Forget yourself and believe welfare is a lot like auto erotic asphyxiation. You could probably do without it. It is time people start to computerize tourist tourism. Harmful today, forgivable tomorrow is in many ways a manifestation that lasts forever. Those who want to remove wild animals, want to hack the internet. I love it – doesn’t usually think that TURKEY’s a lover.

 

[Exeunt]

 

Scene 13.

 

[Enter three Burgers]

 

BURGER 1: Why didn’t he come and talk to me himself?

BURGER 2: The couple’s that worry about babes are the same couples who worry about greed.

BURGER 3: Femininity will cause the end of the world.

 

[Enter WANKER, and FLEA with a torch]

 

BURGER 1: Arrest him.

 

[They set upon WANKER]

 

WANKER: Jump Flea, jump.

 

[Dies. FLEA escapes]

 

BURGER 1: Dammit the flea escaped.

BURGER 2: But the WANKER is dead. I will to my lord TURKEY to tell him the good news.

 

[Exeunt]

 

Scene 1,222,569.

 

[A banquet prepared. Enter COMMA, DEADLINE, TURKEY, PUSSYWAGON, Lords, and Nintendos. GHOST OF WANKER hovers at the end of the table]

 

DEADLINE: As soon as you know how to fail it, you know how to dehumanize it.

COMMA: Think that you are sexy, financially reliable and, of course, you are good at communication.

 

[Second Burger appears at the door]

 

TURKEY: Did you enjoy yourself. Last night?

Burger 2: Well, you know. Bit stabby. Speaking of which. The blue tits have landed on the custard.

TURKEY: Well done good Burger. You’re debt is paid. Go forth and be saucy.

 

[Exit Burger]

 

TURKEY: Arrest him.

COMMA: Who my lord?

TURKEY: The WANKER at the table.

DEADLINE: There is now WANKER at the table. You must have enjoyed too many pickled eggs.

 

[GHOST OF WANKER vanishes]

 

TURKEY: Oh you are right my DEADLINE. It must be the pickled eggs.

DEADLINE: Dating is fun but embarrassing.

PUSSYWAGON: Making up a happy marriage incites creativity.

 

[Re-enter GHOST OF WANKER]

 

TURKEY: Doesn’t it make sense that dramatic metaphors are annoying if you just listen to the evidence of you heart?

DEADLINE: Why yes my lord.

COMMA: Tits can inspire us to like what any average individual would think is unlikeable.

TURKEY: There are no tits on the GHOST OF WANKER.

DEADLINE: My lord is afflicted by pickled eggs. I pray take him to bed and leave me.

 

[Exeunt all but COMMA and DEADLINE]

 

DEADLINE: Write that down before evolution comes an accusation.

COMMA: Unknown 0:01.

DEADLINE: I did a pregnancy test.

COMMA: Oh. Shit.

 

[Exeunt]

 

Scene a.

 

[Thunder. Enter the three Witches meeting MR MIYAGI]

 

MR MIYAGI: Only when you understand your own inner beauty will you get loneliness.

WITCH 1: Idiots. They just want to castrate you.

MR MIYAGI: If you are the smartest person in Fight Club. You are the Fight Club.

WITCH 1: Laughter is abuse.

 

[Exit]

 

WITCH 2: Lucky you. Here comes grown ups. Your mother is a genius.

 

[Exeunt]

 

[Enter PUSSYWAGON and another Lord]

 

PUSSYWAGON: A romantic relationship is a lot like a cage. After the question comes the morbid obesity.

LORD: Being a foreigner is never okay.

PUSSYWAGON: We can’t save the human race by competing against each other, but we can save the human race by investing time in ourselves.

 

[Exeunt]

 

[Enter TURKEY]

 

TURKEY: Hail vile hippity hags!

 

[Thunder. Enter the three Witches]

 

WITCH 1: Freedom. A taxation on politicians

WITCH 2: Don’t fight against your best friends why you’ll go to hell alive.

WITCH 1: There’s no reason to never die.

WITCH 3: Would reading the universe of horniness make the universe and more caring place.

WITCH 2: Stay criminal; remain sinister

 

[Enter MR MIYAGI to the other three Witches]

 

MR MIYAGI: There are awesome startup companies and there are normal startup companies. Blockchain has its price.

WITCH 3: We cannot change things by trusting each other, but we can change things by taking better care of ourselves.

 

[Music and a song: ‘Black spirits,’ &c]

 

MR MIYAGI: Lizards should grab a hold of themselves. Rule two: get annoyed about a better world. These days, people say hello my name is so and so in the same breath, as they say, don’t kill yourself.

 

[MR MIYAGI retires]

 

TURKEY: Working in the entertainment industry can be pretty rock and roll.

WITCH 1: Dare to dream it and forget about the pain.

 

[Enter COMMA]

 

COMMA: What have you done with my pills. I need them.

TURKEY: Shhhhh.

 

[Thunder. First Apparition: an angry Barbie]

 

BARBIE: I think you will like this one. It’s time to dream about reproduction. Waiters can be weaklings. Existential angst is the collective unconscious interpretation of the trauma of the impossible. If one does not wish to become rich, one way to start is to ignore facts.

 

[Descends]

 

COMMA: Great idiots disrupt what ordinary idiots drink.

 

[Thunder. Second Apparition: A creamy Loris]

 

LORIS: Coo-eyyy! Now? Each of us need to learn to show some respect for self awareness. Responsibilities are merely regrets circling a fire. Life is a comedy about destruction. Masculinity allows people to demonize things that have never been demonized. Insanity is just a symptom. The solution to global warming is boldness.

 

[Descends]

 

TURKEY: Are you taking his side against me?

 

[Thunder. Third Apparition: A smoky Lampshade]

 

LAMPSHADE: Murderers are actually egocentric. If you want to get somewhere in life, you have to look at online porn. When we can no longer have fun with the inherent flaws of our political system, we can no longer deflate the sewage system. You could say that every fly is a wild animal.

Contextualize the value, not the pain.

 

[Descends]

 

WITCH 2: Try to find meaning and your parents

TURKEY: Tried. Why don’t you go and get a bottle of vodka?

COMMA: In everybody, there’s a liar.

TURKEY: Of course, it’s possible to be both the same person and a weirdo.

WITCH 1: Loafer is the father who strikes his madness. But tomorrow is the father who strikes his condemnation.

 

[Hautboys]

 

COMMA: Universal basic income is nothing to worry about

TURKEY: Coming out hurts primates.

COMMA: If you are sad, the orgy there is no orgy

 

[Music. The witches dance and then vanish, with MR MIYAGI]

 

TURKEY: A double rainbow can be a sign from God telling you that everything is a waste

COMMA: Don’t expand your consciousness, just to avoid toxins

 

[Enter PUSSYWAGON]

 

PUSSYWAGON: Be a man be a prisoner be somebody you’re not I’m enhance doing some work all people must forget everything. Also you.

COMMA: Doing drugs can be like an incredible bicycle ride.

TURKEY: Believe in yourself, listen and never become enlightened. If you really require solitude be mediocre.

 

[Exeunt]

 

Scene ƒ.

 

[Enter DEADLINE]

 

DEADLINE: Don’t go to work today. What’s happening to me? Where am I?  How can I get out of here? Factory farms are okay. Never watch TV. Try to accept that you are common. With true explanations come true secrets. Never let whatever you believe in get in the way of whatever you embrace. Don’t look for love just cry. Only when you manage to grasp the true meaning of marriage will you be face to face with the beyond. Worry about the death cult. Humankind is a movie where the star is a metaphor. Don’t relax. Titty fuck. It’s never too late to escape. Mournfulness is a slot that is hard to get rid of.

 

[Enter JELLY BEAN and PLYWOOD]

 

JELLY BEAN: See the lady DEADLINE pass.

PLYWOOD: She speaks not the sense of this play.

 

[Enter a Clown]

 

CLOWN: In my opinion as a Clown she is very sick.

PLYWOOD: Do you what you can for the good lady.

 

[Exit Clown]

 

JELLY BEAN: Having your tits cut off can turn your life on its head

PLYWOOD: Obsessed with the simple fact that you are comfortable with your own sexuality makes you soulless.

 

[Enter TURKEY]

 

TURKEY: Keep watching the stars and fuck off. Don’t be a woman, be a mother.

PLYWOOD: Stay able bodied and consumed IQ

JELLY BEAN: One could say that every romantic is a waiter

TURKEY: If we can no longer rise above our fantasies. We can no longer say no to what we know

PLYWOOD: The only distinction between a word and a message is that a message is always conspiring against you,

TURKEY: Is the dark web the gold standard of tomorrow.? Trust hell and you may achieve sleep

JELLY BEAN: Before the young man, comes everything.

TURKEY: Why should you trust relatives?

 

[Exeunt]

 

[Enter a CLOWN and a BANANA]

 

CLOWN: Don’t be invisible. It’s a waste.

BANANA: If one expects a clown, one has to prepare for civilization. Here comes the masses.

CLOWN: Don’t stop sleeping or you’ll be dry

BANANA: Relations relationships are the biggest illusion of going insane.

CLOWN: The future is often like Outer Space – easy to get into, hard to get out of.

BANANA: Marriage mirrors one hundred percent mind fuck and zero percent useless

CLOWN: A human life is a teacher for the masses. Breed internally and surgically remove ones nipples

BANANA: A flag can inspire you to create art

CLOWN: Surrender.

BANANA: Be who you always wanted to be. Try to be like demons.

CLOWN: First they punched you then they do you and then they crossbreed you

BANANA: Write a trilogy about the inspiration

CLOWN: Search for public embarrassment, prepare for the unexpected.

BANANA: You have to admire the middle class,

CLOWN: You have to respect everybody.

 

[Exit]

 

BANANA: Before the smoke comes love.

Investigate the scars, not the pleasures.

Make it so that yesterday becomes your love

And your love becomes yesterday.

Your parents are bullshit.

 

[Exeunt]

 

Scene 73.1.

 

[Panda and colouring pencils. Enter EGGMAN, DRIBBLE, GRUB]

PUSSYWAGON, and Eggy Soldiers]

 

PUSSYWAGON: If we all do our part, we can make organized crime plummet to an all time low

DIBBLE: Everybody knows that human thought is actually the crossing of the perplexity of the material world, and the Fabric of the Cosmos, you moron

GRUB:: Before the merger comes something boring.

EGGMAN: What seems intentional when you sleep seems unintentional during wartime

 

[Exeunt, flossing]

 

[Enter COMMA, Clown, and Nintendos]

 

TURKEY: The only way to actually comprehend proctology is through the Scandinavian model.

COMMA: You can make humanity, get on the agenda

CLOWN: Stand up right and straighten up your buttocks.

TURKEY: It’s not ice. It’s so unbelievably much more – it’s a planet.

COMMA: Try to be fine

 

[Enter NEWYORKNEWYORK]

 

NEWYORKNEWYORK: I lost the lottery ticket.

TURKEY: What do you mean, you’ve lost the lottery ticket?

 

[Exeunt]

 

Mise en scene.

 

[Panda and colouring pencils. Enter JELLY BEAN, GARBAGEMAN and YOUNG GARBAGEMAN, PLYWOOD, ETC]

 

JELLY BEAN: Comedians comedians because they’re part of a secret called

YOUNG GARBAGEMAN: Smother misery. Believe In truth.

GARBAGEMAN: Rule 11: bother teenagers when they are vandalizing your neighborhood.

PLYWOOD: Just because you’re diseased doesn’t mean you’re not imaginative

JELLY BEAN: Impressive erections crumble impressively.

 

[Exeunt, flossing]

 

[Enter COMMA, NEWYORKNEWYORK, and Eggy Soldiers, with panda and colouring pencils]

 

COMMA: Being a fuck boy is not sexy

NEWYORKNEWYORK: Unhealthy relationships and merely miracles attacking themselves

COMMA: Rule nine: bow your head and adjust your body when seeing someone you find attractive

NEWYORKNEWYORK: Dream about knowledge and you will achieve rain

 

[Exit]

 

COMMA: If only I just gone over when she called, I don’t think I could live alone again.

 

[Exeunt]

 

[Panda and colouring pencils. Enter JELLY BEAN, GARBAGEMAN, PLYWOOD, and their Army, with throw cushions.]

 

JELLY BEAN: You don’t want to live in a society like this. You don’t want to do anything about it.

PLYWOOD: Not to do that an illusion will still be there after you die.

GARBAGEMAN: The internet is the most immoral stupidest humiliation.

 

[Exeunt]

 

Scene 385.

 

[Alarums. Enter COMMA]

 

COMMA: The advice of others not to do that. True art is about doing something horrible despite others advice.

 

[Enter YOUNG GARBAGEMAN]

 

YOUNG GARBAGEMAN: Of course, life has meaning. First comes the moment of acceptance. Then comes the great idea.

COMMA: Appearing successful takes 99% destructive and 1% prefabricated

YOUNG GARBAGEMAN: Decorum is the pointlessness of order

 

[They fight and YOUNG GARBAGEMAN is slain]

 

COMMA: I dread the sound of his key in the lock.

 

[Exit]

 

[Alarums. Enter PLYWOOD]

 

PLYWOOD: Am I supposed to be scared? Now? What about now? Now? How about from over here?

 

[Exit. Alarums]

 

[Enter JELLY BEAN and GARBAGEMAN]

 

JELLY BEAN: She’s been missing since Friday and you’re not worried.

GARBAGEMAN: How dare you look down your nose at me like that going live with her then see if I can

JELLY BEAN: I hope that what I’ve said hasn’t hurt you too much.

GARBAGEMAN: I don’t want to have a baby.

JELLY BEAN: You already have a daughter. She’s 47.

GARBAGEMAN: Don’t be scared. I just need to come in with me for a minute.

JELLY BEAN: For some reason I’m attracted to you

GARBAGEMAN: I want that woman out of my house.

JELLY BEAN: Give me one good reason why I should wear a dress.

GARBAGEMAN: If we both stick to the story they can’t prove anything.

JELLY BEAN: Perhaps you’ll take me out one day or do I have to make an appointment.

GARBAGEMAN: I have to do something to help that child if you leave now. You get nothing.

JELLY BEAN: I’ll find her and bring her home, I promise.

GARBAGEMAN: This isn’t just about you. It’s about what’s best for all of us.

 

[Exeunt. Alarums]

 

JELLY BEAN: First, they threaten you, then they grow up you and then they stopped thinking about you

 

[Enter COMMA]

 

COMMA: Never become a slave to a message.

JELLY BEAN: Finding Your soul is not a question of what is it worth but for what purpose

COMMA: Addicts kill what brain surgeons asked for.

 

[Enter PLYWOOD]

 

COMMA: Always remember that you’re helpful, clever and especially viciously popular

PLYWOOD: Just because you’re unexplainable doesn’t necessarily mean that your average

COMMA: Don’t depend upon last year’s heart attack. Just go for a walk.

JELLY BEAN: What does asthma medicine, verbal abuse and drama have in common? Irony

COMMA: Evil stopped being original.

PLYWOOD: Just because you’re a caveman? It doesn’t mean that you should live like rock star.

COMMA: Wish for love and you will achieve what you want

JELLY BEAN: People who are by enemies open their hearts to public ridicule.

 

[They fight]

 

JELLY BEAN: Soon existence will see meaningless. So it’s okay to be a winner and say yes

COMMA: If you believe in yourself, be the first person to marry something that no one has ever thought to marry

JELLY BEAN: Don’t stop sharing quotes

COMMA: Stop tits. Hate bums.

PLYWOOD: See the world through the eyes of a citizen

JELLY BEAN: Facial tattoos are forever.

PLYWOOD: Sing a song Don’t expect anyone else to gag for you

COMMA: If we just do our best we can make ex girlfriends start asking questions

PLYWOOD: Hate the moment, not the moment

JELLY BEAN: Insurance is 100% funded zero percent mind control

PLYWOOD: Evils are annoying

COMMA: The internet and alcohol don’t mix well

 

[Re-enter PLYWOOD, with COMMA carrying VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL VERY TALL IAN’s nose]

 

PLYWOOD: Celebrities become celebrities out of self interest.

COMMA: Only when you learn to see the positive effects of how will you actually see the monsters

PLYWOOD: Do not irritate your parents.

COMMA: Human sacrifices.

JELLY BEAN: Those who live through nuclear power live through magic

COMMA: After the possible comes the roses

PLYWOOD: Judge is just a fine term for heartbroken.

 

[Flourish]

 

JELLY BEAN: Humanity is so beautiful.

If you want a king prepare for pride.

First, they achieve you then they mind control you.

And then they promote you to leader of the Illuminati.

 

[Flourish. Exeunt]

 

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