Story on a train 2: Rings

Oh-my-God-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god. Breathe, you stupid woman. Breathe. Oh-my-God-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god. What the Hell am I going to do? I can feel the ring on my finger burning my skin. Making the sheathed patch of skin itch and scratch and writhe away from the metal. Or am I projecting too much? I really need to get a grip. I…

Evol: Part 1

Everyone was talking about it. Or at least the advertisement said that everyone was talking about it. The greatest Evolution since… Evolution! Admittedly, Kate’s friends, family and casual acquaintances didn’t know what it did exactly but they had all heard from a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend that it was the ‘only thing’. Kate rolled her eyes at the…

Story on a train 1: Lamia

The man opposite was largely indifferent to her ample charms. This was rather annoying, as she was pretty sure she was more interesting than the Sudoku in the blasted paper. She licked her lips, pouting out the window at the grey sky and Battersea Dog’s Home as it flew past. That stench. It followed her….

STAND UP GRRRL MANIFESTO

BECAUSE us girls crave COMEDY that speak to US that WE feel included in and can understand in our own ways. BECAUSE we wanna make it easier for girls to see/hear each other’s work so that we can share strategies and criticize-applaud each other. BECAUSE viewing our work as being connected to our girlfriends-politics-real lives…

Awkward Moment (A Poem)

Significant pause. “Oh, oh, oh,” said the woman. “Oh, oh, oh (*build to climax – she doesn’t actually say this. This is a ‘stage direction’*) oh,” she screamed. “Get off my fucking toe!” Bob shuffled away. He had his earphones in; The noise cancelling function on; He hadn’t even heard her. There was silence in…

DREAMS MY MUM HAS: #1

My mum dreams the weirdest things. The best part of this is that, after a particularly vivid night of dreaming, she gets weirded out – sometimes for days. She once refused to talk to my dad because, in a dream, he had sat on her Purple Bouclé Hedgehog Dog. Apparently Purple Bouclé Hedgehog Dogs are…

From “The Dictionary of Mann – Redefining Irritating”

Native – beginning of an admission to Natasha Heart – Masculine Creativity Labyrinth – the way to the clitoris Horse – belonging to a prostitute Envy – desirable climbing plant, often seen on very expensive real estate From “The Dictionary of Mann”

Review of Will Adamsdale’s ‘Victorian in the Wall’

I don’t usually do this. No, not blogging you fool, I mean publishing the reviews I write for the Offies. Not because I am ashamed of them particularly but because they are a bit speccy and I’m not sure anyone but me is all that interested in what the lighting was like. These reviews, nee…

Comedy Letter

Dear Sir Apologies for the formality but I am yet to find out your name. Sorry if, in that light, this missive carries excessive cupidity, especially as I have seemingly deflected your previous advances. I apologies if as I rush past you on my way to another fresh day of hell, if I have a…