Cast:

Two Legs

Puffin A – can’t say the letter ‘f’

Puffin B – can’t say the letter ‘d’

Puffin C – can’t say the letter ‘r’

 

Setting:

All action takes place on a large rock in an unknown know-where location of the ocean in the not-too-distant future.

 

Scene 1: (7 words in a line of dialogue / 10 dialogue / 10 action / 1 tell off for shouting / 1 big secret)

 

Morning and Two Legs is lying face down, unconscious and holding a banjo, while three puffins inspect her unconscious form, in absolute silence.

 

Puffin B:        Stop shouting or the Two Legs’ll wake /

Leave it for the sea to take

Puffin A:        I said nothing and made no noise

 

Two Legs begins to wake up and all the Puffins take a step back, as she sits up slowly.

 

Puffin B:        See now that you have woken it /

Watch it wake up, yawn and sit

 

Two Legs reaches for the banjo and checks the tuning.

Once she has established it’s in tune, she plays it constantly.

 

Puffin C:        Hello thewe new found fwiend and neighbouw.

Two Legs:      What – where – and why Puffins are talking?

Puffin C:         Question is why haven’t we spoken befowe?

 

Pause.

Two Legs plays ‘Dream a Little Dream’ on the banjo.

The Puffins all cock their heads.

Puffin A lets out an appreciative croak.

 

Puffin B:        Secret is we’ve kept our beaks shut /

Now Two Legs follies must be bankrupt

 

The Puffins all make a low growling chirp – the rock begins to shake and the seas become rough. The sky goes dark, the heavens open and it starts to rain.

The Puffins bob and flap, while Two Legs plays her banjo for them to cavort to.

Blackout.

 

Scene 2: (7 words in a line of dialogue / 10 dialogue / 10 action / 1 tell off for shouting / 1 big secret)

 

It’s now a torrentially rainy afternoon on the rock and the Puffins are all around Two Legs as she plays the banjo.

Puffin A is sitting in her knee while Puffin C is sitting on her shoulder with their wings outstretched to try to shield Two Legs from the worst of the rain.

Two Legs smiles at the puffins as she plays and even takes a second to pat Puffin B on the head.

Two Legs sneezes and shivers, wiping her face on her damp sleeve.

 

Puffin B:        I can’t take the lying anymore, Puffins /

Wondered not why this mess you’re in /

There’s no more fish left the sea /

We’re capturing Two Legs for our tea!

Puffin A:        That is not true – well, not completely.

Puffin B:        Stop shouting Puffin, just talk more sweetly!

Puffin C:        We awe stawving – thewe are no fish left

Two Legs:      We did this, didn’t we; the Two Legs?

 

Pause.

All the Puffins look from one to the other and then back at Two Legs.

 

Two Legs:      So what is going to happen now?

Puffin C:         It’s called Ragnowok, in Two Leg tongue.

 

The is a huge flash of lightening, followed by thunder that is so loud it shakes the rock shakes and everyone falls down to the ground.

The waves get higher and higher, as Two Legs and the puffins scramble higher up the rock and huddle together.

One last huge flash of lightening, then everyone is plunged into darkness.

Blackout.

 

Scene 3: (7 words in a line of dialogue / 10 dialogue / 10 action / 1 tell off for shouting / 1 big secret)

 

It’s now a stormy evening on the rock and Two Legs huddles miserably at the top of the rock with the Puffins while the sea rages around them.

A huge bolt of lightening and a crash of thunder.

The rain turns to fish and then to blood.

A wave catches Two Leg’s banjo, sweeping it away to be smashed on the rock.

Two Legs howls in agony, into the wind.

 

Two Legs:      That’s my heart smashed on the rock.

Puffin B:        No, it was just a noise machine /

Your heart will survive this night unseen

Two Legs:      Please, why did you bring me here?

Puffin C:         We needed a Two Legs to witness.

Puffin A:        (quietly) The end of the world is monstrous.

Puffin B:        We need to have faith, stop spouting /

I keep telling you to stop shouting!

 

Suddenly the rain stops, the sea quietens and the skies clear to reveal all the stars in the night sky.

A very long pause.

A bolt of moonbeam hits the rock covering it in a silver glow, as Two Legs stands up in wonder at the sheer beauty of it all.

 

Two Legs:      So what is going to happen now?

Puffin C:         Honestly, I just have no idea, Two Legs.

 

Light fades, as Two Legs and the puffins look up at the sky.

Blackout.