Write a play about a date in the age of digital…
As someone who has pretty much struck out 99% of the time (short termism is not just the deficit of the advertising industry or politicians) both in IRL and Online, I suffer human fatigue fairly quickly in this day and age. So yay. Dating. Though actually, this is kinda cute… though possibly a bit close to home…
A pleasant, low key restaurant with strong over-tones of High Street Chain. Tom is already seated at a table for two. He has a bottle of Orangina, which he is playing with, picking the label off. When no one is looking, he unscrew the bottle and drinks the dregs at the bottom.
Waitress comes over to the table.
Waitress: Shall I take thi-
Tom: No. Thanks.
Waitress: No worries. Can I get you any nuts or olives or-
Waitress: Cool. Any more drinks or-
Tom: Two oranginas. Enough. Yeah.
Waitress: Ok. I’ll come and check on you in a bit.
Jo rushes in. When she see Tom, she pulls out her phone and references a picture of him with the real life. She then uses her phone to check her makeup. She notices a smudge, clears it up. She walks towards the table.
Jo holds out her hand.
He shakes her hand. They both stand for a moment.
Tom scurries round the table and pulls out the chair for Jo, before scampering back round to his seat and sitting down. Jo smiles and takes the seat. She shrugs off her coat and hangs her bag over her chair.
Tom: Yeah. Hi.
Waitress walks over.
Waitress: Can I take your order?
Jo: 5 please?
Waitress: yeah no worries. Drink?
Jo: You drinking?
Jo: Orangina, please.
Waitress: Ace. I’ll be back to take your order.
Tom: So, you-
Jo: Yeah, fine.
Tom: No. D’worry.
Jo holds up her mobile phone.
Jo: We could-
Tom gets out his mobile phone. Text bubbles each appear about the others head. Including the ‘…’ typing symbols. From now on all speech is typed with the exception of the waitress.
Tom: You look beautiful
Tom: I like your hair like that
Jo: Thanks! You don’t scrub up half bad yourself
Jo: What you thinking?
Tom: From the menu?
Tom: The Carnivore and a bowl of chips
Jo: Tag Tel
Jo: I’ll steal your chip 😉
Tom: Cheeky 😉
Jo: How’s your mum?
Tom: She says hi!
Tom: Said it was nice to meet you on FaceTime the other day
Tom: She can’t wait to meet you IRL
Tom: We should send her a pic
Jo: Great idea
Tom holds up his phone, while he and Jo pose smiling at the camera.
Waitress arrives with a tray with the Orangina on it.
Waitress: Made a decision yet?
Both Tom and Jo look at her, wide eyed.
Waitress: I’ll give you a bit more time.
Tom sends photo to his mum.
Tom: Mum. Here you go.
Tom: Me and Jo.
Mum: Ooooo that’s lovely. You two look great together. I’ll start shopping for wedding hats 😉 Love mum xoxo
Mum: PS hi Jo! Love mum xoxo
Jo: You’re mum is so cute.
Tom: She’s alright.
Tom: A bit mad but aren’t we all.
Jo: Not my parents.
Tom: God yes. No one wants to date the spawn of accounts 😛
Jo: Shut up
Jo: Not accountants
Jo: Financial analysts 😛
Tom: That’s so much better 😛
Jo throws herself off her chair and rolls on the ground miming laughing. The Waitress walks in, sees what going on, rolls her eyes and walks away again.
Tom: You’re mental you are
Jo: One of my better characteristics
Jo: Well that and my tits
Jo: That’s why they call me tit mcgee
Tom: Who do?
Tom: Who they
Jo: The man
Tom: Capitalism calls you tits mcgee?
Jo: Neoliberalism actually
Tom: smart arse
Jo: that’s pretty good too
Tom: You’d slap me if I’d made that joke
Jo: my arse my joke
Jo: Make a joke about your own arse
Tom: do you know i’m actually a cigarette
Tom: I got a hot butt
Jo: that awful lol
Tom: you’re welcome
Jo: You know what you said the other day… did you mean it?
Tom: That i love you… yes…
Jo: Even though we-
Back to normal speech.
Tom: What’s wrong?
Jo: Battery died.
Jo: I need to go home. Charge it.
Jo grabs her coat and bag from the chair.
Jo starts to leave. She turns and smiles.
Jo: Message you later.
Jo runs out of the restaurant. Tom sits and beams to himself. Waitress walks over.
Waitress: So what would you like to order?
Tom: Just bill. Please.