Significant pause. “Oh, oh, oh,” said the woman. “Oh, oh, oh (*build to climax – she doesn’t actually say this. This is a ‘stage direction’*) oh,” she screamed. “Get off my fucking toe!” Bob shuffled away. He had his earphones in; The noise cancelling function on; He hadn’t even heard her. There was silence in…

My mum dreams the weirdest things. The best part of this is that, after a particularly vivid night of dreaming, she gets weirded out – sometimes for days. She once refused to talk to my dad because, in a dream, he had sat on her Purple Bouclé Hedgehog Dog. Apparently Purple Bouclé Hedgehog Dogs are…

Native – beginning of an admission to Natasha Heart – Masculine Creativity Labyrinth – the way to the clitoris Horse – belonging to a prostitute Envy – desirable climbing plant, often seen on very expensive real estate From “The Dictionary of Mann”

I don’t usually do this. No, not blogging you fool, I mean publishing the reviews I write for the Offies. Not because I am ashamed of them particularly but because they are a bit speccy and I’m not sure anyone but me is all that interested in what the lighting was like. These reviews, nee…