Anderson, Lee and Kolev are all in bulky space suits. They are standing at the line between the dark side of the moon and the light side. Toes along the line. Kolev has a flag, one side is US and the other is Russian.
Kolev: Bloody Ruskussians. Always get on everything. Why there no Bulgarian flag?
Lee: Because you guys would move your gramma up here in a static caravan and claimed you won the moon in a poker match.
Kolev: Hey! That is a offensive stereotype, Yank. I would have won it playing craps.
Anderson: Settle down children. It’s all about money, you know that. And mineral rights. And making sure China doesn’t get here first.
Lee: What do you think is out there, Cheif? On the dark side of the moon?
Anderson: Our best guess is more moon. Or rainbow colored space armadillos.
Kolev: Did you guys skin up in the pod and not tell me?
Anderson: No. But the truth is we just don’t know. We so rarely get a glimpse. Apparently there’s a crater the size of Alaska. And as frozen as Alaska.
Lee: Just with fewer truckers.
Anderson: But no one has ever managed the crossing from light to dark.
Anderson: No one really knows. Some people just freaked out. The total darkness. Plays tricks on your mind. Other people have said it’s just too cold to survive. But no one really knows.
Kolev: Well, that make me feel safe.
Lee: Sorry, remind me again why you are here?
Kolev: Because I have a Nobel prize and you don’t. Two in fact. And an honor from the Queen of Engerland. An OBOE or something. For being a genius. And our Chief here is also a genius and a hero. Which just leaves us with you. Who won a competition. In a magazinia.
Anderson: So Lee, why’d you enter? You always wanted to be an astronaut?
Lee: No. I needed to leave earth. In a hurry. Terrible fear of birds.
Anderson: Get outta here.
Kolev: The feathered or the breastchesticled kind?
Lee: The crazy ones with the claws and the death-wish to rip your eyes out.
Kolev: I refer you to my previous question.
Anderson: You’re going to have to tell us one day Lee.
Lee: You think I’m lying?
Anderson: God knows. I think we should probably get back and rest up. You two seem to be getting fractious. It must be nap time.
Anderson: Kolev. The flag. To mark our first day. We’ll get pictures later.
Kolev plans the flag. Anderson looks out into the darkness. In the distance, something is coming towards them. It’s a common, all-garden pigeon.
Anderson: Hey. What’s that?
Anderson: Coming towards us…?
Kolev: Debritirtus of some kind. Probably one of Buzz Aldren’s shits he left up here floating around for a joke.
Lee: Some joke.
Kolev: Shits. Floating. Ha.
Anderson: Fuck me. It’s a pigeon.
Lee: Your oxygen must be getting low. You’re hallucinating.
Anderson: No, really. It’s a huge fat grey pigeon. Flying. Through space.
Lee: I can’t see what you’re looking at. I-
Kolev: чукай ме. He’s right. It’s a гълъб.
Kolev starts to make cooing noises and flaps around
Lee: Fucking stop that, Kolev. This isn’t funny.
Kolev: You’d genuinerly think you came to the moon to avoid birds.
Lee: Shut the fuck up.
Kolev ignores him and continues doing his crazy bird impression.
The following happens in very slow motion:
Lee lunges for Kolev. Starting a fight. This puts Lee directly in the path of the pigeon. This pigeon hits Lee square in the visor. Lee’s helmet shatters. A body in space doesn’t explode or freeze. Instead all the liquid in the human body bubbles and foams. While this is happening, Lee continues to breathe but as there is no oxygen, Lee’s body slowly starves. Lee passes out and dies with one final breath.
Anderson and Kolev are motionless. Their helmets’ light the look of horror on their faces. As the lights blackout, their faces remain illuminated.
Anderson: What was that…?