LIGHTS – Nothing fancy just ordinary house lights:
Sadie, 33. She’s nothing if not high energy. Stand infront of a PowerPoint presentation. It’s in stark contrast to Sadie; black navy and white, Mackerith Einsenhower Neuman logos and spiky line charts. Sadie also has her laptop on stage. It’s covered in bright, colourful stickers.
Hi. A lot of you won’t know me. I’m Sadie Robinson and I’ve worked at Mackerith Einsenhower Neuman for nearly 10 years. I’ve been a junior manager for the last five so even though Julia can’t be here today, and we hope that the rhinoplasty goes well, the boss-lady couldn’t have left you in safer hands. This is the technical operations division’s Q3 results from across all strategic and third party divisional partners to be delivered to you, the lovely board of directors. Though if I’m honest, I just don’t see the point. With her nose, I mean. I thought it was fine.
Sadie clicks on to the first slide.
Just to remind you of our remit. Technical operations division is responsible for the utilization and monetization of technology within the business and in consultancy with clients. But we are not IT. You want someone to tell you to ‘turn it on and off again’, we have a corporate support number for that.
Sadie clicks – a team photo appears. It’s all male apart from Sadie and Julia.
This is the team. They are all lovely apart from Steve. He’s a bit of a knob. Only joking. He’s lovely really.
Sadie clicks – next slide lots of lines on a graph.
So these are the Q2 results. Just to remind you, this bit that looks like Julia’s old nose is in fact a financial anomaly driven by speculation on the technical demand of the Olympics and the upcoming World Cup. ENGLAND!
Sadie clicks – more graphs with lines.
Q3 saw a pretty spectacular build on results. This bit, which I reckon will look like Julia’s new nose, shows that the division achieved a new all time high with the acquisition and merger of LapAd and MetrixTap. Which I can only assume will result in the unfortunately named LapTap.
Sadie clicks – a highly personal, highly sexual photo of her floats onto the screen. It’s stark, shocking and in total contrast to the Sadie we can see.
Our projections for this quarter might look optimistic but management…
Sadie becomes aware that something isn’t right. She turns round and sees the photo. She just stares. She stares and stares and stares. She remembers the board and turns to look at them again. She looks between the board and the presentation as if transfixed.
Suddenly she runs over and snaps the laptop shut. The screen goes black. After a brief pause the Mackerith Einsenhower Neuman logo reappears. Sadie is very still for a moments. She tries to compose herself.
I guess I deserved that
I mean being me and all
It’s just a laugh
I mean I’m sure the boys on the team would do the same to anyone else, right
I mean where
Where did they get that photo
And why would they do that
It’s from a dating thing
I didn’t even consider
He works here
He’s one of them
Of the team
And apparently I’m not
He seemed so
Not that my team aren’t nice
I thought they were nice
Why would they do that
Who is it who brings in the payday doughnuts and bakes the birthday cakes and organizes the get-well-just-married-congratulations-it’s-a-baby cards for everyone to sign
Who else really gives a shit
Because I give a shit
And I thought
I genuinely thought
They liked me
The team liked me
I thought the man
On the app
I though people like me
Sadie crumples but manages to remain standing. She struggles with her self. Then she makes a decision.
There’s a spreadsheet.
Sadie goes to the laptop and opens it. She searches her folders for an excel spreadsheet and opens it while she talks. When she does it lists times, places, names, and what happened – every degrading thing that’s happened to her over the last few years, ranging from the seemingly insignificant, like being told she’s a ‘good girl’ or being asked to make the tea ‘love’ to being told that
It started as a joke. You know how us women like jokes. Involving spreadsheets. Cos it’s all about being on of the boys right? This spreadsheet started when a senior partner put a hand up my skirt. Not accidentally. But slowly slid a hand up my thigh and… And then he asked me how long I’d worked at reception before suggestion I go and play with some spreadsheets. Look, you can see the name and the date. He’s here. Say hello Nick. Unusually quiet. And who else was there and laughed. Then there’s the ‘women and technology’ jokes and the ‘must be that time of the month’ comments when you try to hold your own. And the ‘if you just smiled a bit more’ or just did something with yourself, you could get a promotion. And it’s not just the boys. It’s every damn one of you. And after a while you believe it. All the crap. That’s ok and just good fun. It’s you who are weak and cut out all wonky. But I’m likeable. So that’s just fine…
Because a jury will like me
And journalists will like me
And Guardian readers will like me
And everybody hates you
Sadie walks over to her laptop and unplugs it from the projector.
If you have any questions about today’s presentation…
You can go fuck yourselves.
Sadie walks out.