29 Plays Later – Challenge 23 – War on Words!

Ok. So, this was actually really fun to do. Taking a made up language, and trying to make sense of it is utterly, joyfully silly. Thanks #29PlaysLater

A small, fat man walks on stage and stands behind a lectern. He wears a huge hat, lots of gold braiding and epiletttes, and is smoking a huge cigar. He also wears dark glasses. He is however wearing Mickey Mouse shorts and top of the range branded trainers.

Presenter V/O:

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you live coverage of President Dada Samosa Pinochet’s speech to the people of Cuba. The crowd fall quiet as President Dada takes the stage. We don’t know what he’s going to say, but we know it’s going to be very important. So stay with us as we report live from Cuba.
The Dictator:

Lorêm ipsum dõlor sít amet, âmêt modó eum ea, út ferri ãnímal indoctum nec. Ut, Dada Samosa Pinochet, vidit platonem refôrmidans pêr, sit ridéns scãévolá cu. Làbitur bonõrum sénsibus ne mel. Agam lôbórtis id nàm. Novum movet eu méí, dícant praêsênt disputãtiôni vel éx, ex aúgué inimiçus sêd.
At his dêtràxit héndrerít, Dada… Dada, Dada, Dada àt duó lórem réferrentur, prí ad iísqué pondérum. Great Britano cu pro opõrtêre súávitaté, vêl dólóre offiçiis no. Ut ius dõcendi conséqúát, id tale diçat constituam duo mouseo. (Does mouse impression.) Eeeeee, eeeeee, eeeee, eeeeeeee. At quem dêbítis prô, an põsse sãlutândí vel. No. No, no, no, no, no.
Et hãbeõ effíciêndi meí. Êa pri diçàm officiis. Tálê deleníti eu qúô, eá prí nullá elitr, íllud interesset çonséctêtuer ãt cum. Ad mucíús fàcete pàrtiendo séd, tâle lórem tàtiõn per ãn.
Víx ne commúnê própriáé appêtêre, in làbõres patrióqúê vél, éu elitr appêllântur mêl Americano! Simul possit álbúcius prí te. Mnêsárchum cônsêquuntur voluptátibus cu pri, quó éruditi sentêntiae êú. Àn çetérós võluptâriâ his, quô an meliórê âccumsan recúsabo, et primís nõminati antiopám pri. Vim êius pérpetuà cônsequuntur te, te primã óffendit eléctram usú. Kaboom. Kaboom-boom. Bilaaaaar.
Soldiers pull on a massive missile under the Dictator’s speech. It’s huge and only a bit at the time is visible in stage. It is followed by a small group of smiling, waving children with streamers.
In néç modus hãrum. No âcçusatà ímperdiêt séá. (He gestures proudly to the missile.) Qui álií exerci luçíliús êx, meá mútat dêçõre id, ãt êirmód minímum súsçipíàntur pêr. Ad ludus nullám qualísque néc, ea íus scripserit neglegentur. Êius scriptá an vís. At vím graêce cetéros, eu seá vero pátriõquê, his méntitúm cônvênire nõ.
Presenter V/O:

My, is that… Is that nuclear…?
The Dictator:

Quodsí constitúto deserúísse prô ea, no primá ôpórtêat árgumentum sít. Cú prõ fàlli urbànitás. Eu meis indõctum duó. Cúm et nisl diãm, ius cú libris dolorum dôlórem.
The Dictator waves at the children.
Ei mei prõmpta petentium expetêndà, tóllit regione cónsequât quo ex. 
Laughter from crowd.
Êt vóluptuá repréhéndunt êos. Usu ex cibô rãtionibus, fácer éruditi délectús id usu. Imperdiet constitúto ne méá, chorô accumsán corrumpít eá sed. Pér at stet fierent, hás éu quem persequêris, usu illum consectêtuer id. Séá éx eius êràt quódsi, sêd nostrúd recusabô an, an sed áúdiam àppareát.
Fugit solutã utamur qui in war on words, ex orâtio delectus sit. Paulo mentitum qui ut, an hás fãbulás assúêverit. Illum apériri legímus no sed. War on Words! His id stet mentitum dignissím, útinam noster eos eu. War on Words! Et iúdicõ scaevôla cõnseqúat nàm. War on Words! Dôlóre adversârium éi meá, pértinâcíà complectitur cu sea, sed éâ elêifend democritúm. War on Words! Quô nó sumo fabulas pródesset, at audire postulant eum. Westerarias. War on Words!
The crowd takes up the chant – “War on Words!” Eventually the Dictator quiets the crowd.
Shhhhhh. Shhhhhhhhhh. Lus tempóribus philõsóphia no.
His quod virtute ceterõs at, id insõlens dísputátíoni eúm, cônvenire pârtiéndo in hãs. Ex pôrro mélius âbhõrrêãnt est, amet prôbõ placérat ãt hãs. Ut qui nomínãví démocritúm. Éa sit éúismod periculís ratíónibus. Ãn rêcúsabo sénserit môléstiãé mel, ludus nostrõ legímús est eà.
America!! Ut éâm nibh nóbis, ad vél epicúrei plãtónem ádolescens! Tóllít erúditi te usu, óbliqúe sádipsçing âd cum. Russiano!!! Àt sumô dôlores prí, copiosaé abhorreãnt his ât, sea at civibus gúbergren! Great Britain!!! Tamquám delenit põsidoníum te has, áliã àgám àliquãndõ ex est, no duó ódió dicit atomõrum. Europa – Habéo êvertitur cum an, eós áperiâm dõlõrém in. Illud pàtriõque complêçtitur ut cum!!!!!
Crowd goes mental.
Iuváret nõminávi élaborarét te sêa. Prí maluíssêt mêdíocritàtém ad. Per sále essent té, inâní dolôre vís id. (He crosses himself, kisses his fingers and salutes.) Ei ignotã ridêns…. ocurrerét vix!!! KABOOOOOOOOOM!!!!
Crowd erupts.
Presenter V/O:

I’ve just been told that looks like, or so our eggheads inform us, it does indeed appear to be a nuclear weapon. It appears the President has declared war, not just on words, but on the whole Western world. We are at war. I repeat, we are at war.
The Dictator is waving at the crowd. Suddenly a toilet seat falls at huge speed from the space.
Presenter V/O:

I’ve just been told that… We are confirming reports that President Dada Samosa Pinochet is dead. I repeat, President Dada Samosa Pinochet is definitely dead. Users of the Cuban social network, El Dada, are reporting he was hit by a toilet seat. From space. Let’s see that in slow motion.
In very slow motion: The Dictator is waving at the crowd. Suddenly a toilet seat falls at huge speed from the space.
Is it just me, or was that a toilet seat? A toilet seat, no doubt many of our viewers agree, from Heaven.
Pause.
I have just been informed, in my ear, that the war is off. The shortest war in human history is over. With only one casualty. Fantastic. That’s our kind of war. Really, you couldn’t make this stuff up. Just classic. We will now resume our normal transmission.
Blackout.

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