Wedding Cake


1) Place two people in a party or slightly warmed small room. Leave to infuse. Mix in mutual acquaintances and generous amounts if alcohol. Simmer. Exchange telephone numbers and transfer to taxi. Leave to stand for 3 – 5 days.
2) Now combine the jitters with even more drink. Mixture may look like separating at this point. Add curry. Whisk together using tongues, varying the speed. Whip into a frenzy then allow to cool.
3) Bake in cinema for one to two hours. Combine with dinner and white wine. Leave to form stiff peaks. Desert at this point is optional. Work into a frenzy. Follow with lashings and lashings of yummy sex.
4) Talk about commitment. Blanch then boil rapidly. Pare when cooled.
5) Turn in to a flat or house (depending on quantity), blend thoroughly. Allow to stew for 6 – 60 months, gradually adding in friends and family. Divide Christmas between parents.
6) On one knee, add ring, preferably using New York or Marrakech (or alternative in choice.)
7) Garnish with confetti, religion (to taste), heaps of sentimentality and finish with merangue-dress.

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